


hopeless

by polarizedprincess



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/F, also swearing, dianetti, minor depictions of violence, soft angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 18:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11995476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polarizedprincess/pseuds/polarizedprincess
Summary: To Rosa, prison is sort of like a long, long stretch of grey that seems to have no end to it; the same hopeless grey fucking day repeated every goddamn day.But then there are weekends, and that is when Gina comes to visit, and in her horrible grey world, there is just the faintest hint of red.[set after the end of s4]





	hopeless

**Author's Note:**

> so I'm a little fuzzy on the details of s4 , and I apologise if I get anything wrong. anyway , the characters might be a little ooc , in which case I apologise again. feel free to leave any comments / criticism !

Rosa has only been in prison for a week, and she’s already dying  for visitation days. She figures her first visitor would probably be Adrian, or Charles, or maybe even Amy. But then again, Amy might be seeing Jake today. Or is she?

Rosa doesn’t know how Jake is doing. They were sent to different prisons, because of their differing genders. All she knows is that Amy has promised to wait for him, even if it takes 15 years. She envies that. It’s not easy to say for sure that Adrian would do the same.

The guards do a quick pat-down, and allow Rosa to enter the visitation room. She is early; most of the other prisoners are still being hunted down by the guards to see their loved ones. Her dark eyes do a quick sweep of the room, and there is only one face she recognizes.

“Gina?”

“Rosa!”

Gina rises to her feet, with a little difficulty, due to her massive stomach, swollen with pregnancy. A part of Rosa’s heart - one she has worked very hard to bury - constricts. At this point, Rosa is surprised she even made it all the way here, with the baby literally weighing her down.

She walks over to Gina hesitantly. Why would Gina be visiting her? They haven’t been very close in quite a while.

Gina hugs Rosa for a moment, and her eyes close as she struggles to fight back tears. It feels like a century has passed since she’s had non-threatening, warm physical contact with another person.

A guard instructs them to break it up. Gina grumbles at him as she sits down (with much difficulty), telling him to suck an egg. Rosa laughs.

And then Gina asks the dreaded question, and her laughter dies.

“How are you doing?”

How is she doing? Well, first off, she’s in prison, for a crime she didn’t commit. Secondly, she and her the other inmates don’t get along, which has lead to many fights. Many of the inmates recognize her as the person who locked them up, so she’s been in far too many fights. Fourthly of all, she hasn’t had a decent shower in a week. Fourthly, her own  _fi ancé _ isn’t here to see her. Fifth of all, she misses her friends so  _ much _ . Sixth of all,  _ she’s in fucking prison. _

“I’m doing fine.” Rosa won’t let them know how badly she’s doing. She is Rosa Diaz, and she’s not afraid of anything.

“Tell me, is it anything like  _ Orange is the New Black _ in there? Are you someone’s bitch?” Gina seems genuinely curious, and that somehow helps Rosa take her mind off things.

“I’m not anyone’s bitch. And it’s nothing like the show. Not quite as fun.”

Gina laughs, and Rosa smiles crookedly. Gina’s laugh dies, and her blue eyes cloud.

“Listen, Rosa,” she says quietly. “Captain Holt and the rest have been working nonstop to get you guys out of here. Amy hasn’t slept in days, and Charles-”

“Gina.”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t talk about the case.”

“What?”

“Just don’t.”

“Why?”

“Because...”  _ Because hope is cruel _ , _ Gina. Because telling me would mean that there’s a chance I can get out of here, but life doesn’t work that way. _

_ The 9-9 isn’t going to be able to prove Lieutenant Hawkins framed Jake and I. I’ll be out of here in 15 years, maybe 10 if I stop getting into fights, and by then what’ll happen? I won’t have a job, and I won’t have a place to live, and I won’t know what to do. _

_ The best thing I can do right now is not to think about it, because if you tell me how close the 9-9 is to a breakthrough or whatever, I will have hope, and I can’t, because this is real life, Gina, and I’m going to be in here for a really long fucking time. _

“Because it’s hopeless.” Rosa says softly, looking anywhere but Gina, hating to show vulnerability. She feels Gina’s hand touching hers reassuringly.

“It’s not hopeless, Rosa. I promise.” Gina is staring at her, and Rosa makes herself look back at her. Her voice is strong and determined, and for a split second, Rosa almost believes her.

* * *

 

 

Everyone has been to see her already, even Amy. Jake’s prison’s visitation days are on the same days as hers, so she usually goes to see him. Amy brings her updates on him, and tells her he misses her, then apologises for not visiting her much. Rosa had waved off her apology, telling her she understands. She’d be the same with Adrian.

She sends her regards to Jake, and tells Amy to tell him she misses him.

Come to think of it, not _everyone_ has been to see her. Her own fi ancé has told her that he can’t come see her, because he generally tries to stay away from prisons, just in case.

So they’ve been talking on the phone, but without anything physical to fill the time, Rosa finds they have nothing in common.Their calls are mostly filled with awkward silence, so Rosa always cuts them short, and calls someone else instead.

Most of the time, Rosa ends up calling Gina. Gina has been to see her the most so far, and she doesn’t know why. Sure, they have a secret bathroom together, and they babysat Terry’s kids once, but haven’t been that close in a while. Rosa doesn’t ask why, she’s just glad Gina wants to see her. Once upon a time, she would’ve been overjoyed. Now she’s just glad. Not  _ overjoyed _ , but not  _ unhappy _ . Just glad.

Gina’s the one who’s been keeping her updated on the outside world. Everyone else has spontaneously burst into tears the minute they see her. But not Gina. She just acts like they’re having a regular chat, and Rosa is so grateful she isn’t making a big deal out of this whole prison thing.

She thinks of Gina’s promise, that everything isn’t hopeless, and she just  _ knows _ she can’t afford to believe in dumb promises like that. But that doesn’t mean she stops thinking about it.

* * *

****

****

Prison is awful. If Rosa thought the first week was bad, this is far worse. The first night she’d arrived, Rosa had quietly cried herself to sleep at night. The days after that have been rougher. The tears have stopped, but the attacks haven’t. Injuries line her arms and back, and she’s pretty sure one of her ribs may be bruised.

The inmates are angry. They’re stuck with far too much time in prison, because of her. Rosa can’t even blame them. She’d be the same way if the roles were reversed.

Despite the attacks, she adamantly refuses to allow herself to be relocated to a safer spot. If she’s stuck in some solitary housing unit, she won’t get to see her friends. More importantly, she won’t get to see Gina.

At this point, Gina could be her best friend. She’s come to visit Rosa more than anyone else, and they call almost every day. Rosa even blows off calls with Adrian to talk to Gina, because she really can’t stand all the awkward silence. Sometimes he tries to say something sexy, but she can’t reply properly, in front of like 20 other women, at least half of which hate her guts. So she tells him to stop. And then they have nothing more to talk about.

Rosa can feel herself spiraling into a sort of depression, and she can’t stop herself.  _ Should’ve run away when I had the fucking chance. _

* * *

****

****

“What happened to you?” Gina asks, the instant Rosa draws back from their brief 10-second hugs.

“What?” Rosa replies, subtly massaging her bruised rib. It’s been hurting for about two weeks, and Rosa, who has been injured many times, chalks it up to a bruised rib. She’s just glad it’s not broken.

“You winced when I hugged you. What’s going on? Are you hurt?” Gina is not at all her airy, cheerful self. She looks almost angry.  
“You’re going to be a great mom,” Rosa mumbles. A moment later, she tells her.

“It’s nothing. Just sometimes I get into fights with the other inmates, since it’s my fault they’re stuck here.”

“How bad is it?” Gina asks softly.

Rosa tugs the neckline of her shirt to reveal a latticework of purplish bruises splattered across her skin. And those aren’t even the worst of it. Gina bites her lip, saying nothing.

“It’s nothing,” Rosa reassures her. “I’ve been in plenty of fights.”

Gina doesn’t look reassured. “Scars are sexy, but these? Are uh-gly.”

“Thanks. I feel much better,” Rosa snaps. She pulls her shirt back into place.

“Rosie, you have to fight back. Don’t let these bitches push you around,” Gina says, leaning forward in her chair, which, to Rosa’s opinion, is a minor miracle.

“I have.” Rosa leans back, balancing her chair on two legs. She doesn’t even mind Gina calling her ‘Rosie’ anymore. Gina stares at the edge of a fresh scar peeking out from under her sleeve. That one was from an ex-druggie who shanked her with a Jolly Rancher. People get real creative in prison.

“Can’t you tell anyone? Get these bitches in trouble?” Gina asks, concern clouding her blue eyes.

“I’m not a snitch, Gina,” Rosa replies.

“Now is not the time to cling to your beliefs, Rosa! Integrity is overrated!” Gina exclaims. Rosa is actually quite touched by her concern.

“If I tell someone, then they’ll move me to some solitary unit.”

“The SHU, like on  _ Orange is the New Black _ .”

“You have got to stop bringing  _ Orange _ up.”

“It was a great show. We had fun blowing off work to watch it in Babylon.”

Rosa smiles. “I remember that.”

Purposefully staggered exits, complaints about the poor wifi, Gina eventually caving and bringing in her own personal portable wifi thing. Rosa arguing with Gina on which scented candle they should light, to fit the show. Gina had won, with Summer Days over Rosa’s choice of Vanilla Sugar. Rosa had just been so bad at saying no to Gina, during those days.

Bickering as they watched the show, Gina live-tweeting everything, Rosa secretly crying and refusing to admit it. Hours upon hours of time spent in their secret bathroom, just the two of them bonding over a TV show.  
“We sure wasted a lot of time,” Gina says wistfully, a small smile twisting her lips.

“Yeah.” Silence settles for a moment.

“Anyway, why don’t you go to a solitary unit? You hate people.”

_ Not so much anymore, Gina. _ “Being by myself would be worse. If it’s anything like the SHU on  _ Orange _ , I’d rather just be dead. And...”

“And?”

“I wouldn’t get to see you,” Rosa says quietly. “Or Charles, or-or Amy, or Terry,” she adds quickly.

Gina smiles slightly. “Sure, Rosa. I’m glad to see you too.”

* * *

****

****

Rosa gets her first letter. It’s not from an address she recognizes. She rips it open excitedly. It’s a letter from the Nine-Nine. Her eyes run through the first page. The handwriting differs every few sentences.

Terry says he hopes she’s doing okay, and sends his best. Holt says “everything will be fine.” Charles’ handwriting is smudged with tears, and almost indecipherable. Rosa is pretty sure he says he misses her, and asks her about prison food. Amy promises her they’re close to proving she and Jake have been framed. Hitchcock and Scully send food stains.

Adrian sends a full page in his cramped handwriting, detailing the violent, dirty things he’d like to do to her. The old Rosa would’ve been all over that. This version of Rosa just skims the page unenthusiastically. She flips to the third page, which is from Gina.

Gina says she misses her, so much, that work is not the same without her, and promises that she never lets anyone forget her. Even she is working harder now, to help (she violently crosses out this part with a Sharpie, clearly still remembering Rosa’s request to not talk about the case), and that hanging out at Babylon without her sucks. She signs it with a bunch of X’s and O’s, and a few heart-shapes.

Rosa smiles, tears filling her eyes, and blinks them away savagely. She traces Gina’s huge, loopy signature; seeing her in her mind’s eye - Gina with her eyes narrowed, twisting her hand as she signs, to give it an extra flourish.

She folds the letter into a small square, and hides it in her pillow; a small piece of hope that she keeps to herself.

* * *

****

****

_ Rosa kicks an inmate in the face, knocking her teeth out and breaking her cheekbone. Behind her, another nameless, faceless woman in orange grabs her arms, and she slams her head into her nose. She can feel the cartilege break, feel the warm blood soaking into her hair. _

_ She yanks herself free, and three women throw themselves onto her, preventing her from escaping. Rosa wriggles out from the pile of bodies, and punches one of them in the eye, savoring the howl of pain that follows. Another woman tries to sink her fist into Rosa’s stomach, but she elbows her in the face, bursting her lips. The woman falls off, and the other inmate gives her black hair a hard yank. _

_ Rosa screams in pain, and whirls blindly, slamming her palm into her throat, following it with a swift jab. She jumps up as the two inmates slowly rise to their feet, and she kicks one of them in the ribs so hard she feels the bones break, and tackles the other so hard she cracks her head against the floor and doesn’t get up. _

_ Rosa wipes the blood from her face, and turns and runs down a seemingly endless hallway, into the arms of a huge, muscled guard clad in blue, who grabs a lock of her black curls as she tries to slide past him. Rosa knees him in the groin, and delivers a swift kick to his kneecaps, for good measure. She continues till she sees a large window ahead. _

_ Rosa closes her eyes and braces herself as she smashes through the window, tiny shards embedding themselves in her skin. She stifles a scream of agony, continuing to run, crunching pieces of glass beneath her feet. _

_ The sunlight is blazing hot against her body, but she doesn’t care, because she has to get. the fuck. out. of. here. Her knuckles are bruised and bloody, and she is bleeding where the small bits of glass entered her flesh, but she doesn’t care, because she hasn’t felt so fucking alive in months. _

_ In the distance, she sees her motorcycle, and there’s Adrian standing there, watching her unhelpfully. She clumsily jumps the fence, and hurtles towards him, and suddenly there’s Gina standing behind him, smiling and waving, but her smile is full of malice, and Rosa turns around, and there are guards leaping after her, but she’s too slow, too slow, and cold, iron-like hands clasp her shoulders, her arms, her legs. Adrian suddenly morphs into Lt Hawkins, and she is smiling the same cruel smile as Gina, and they do nothing as they watch her be dragged away. _

Rosa wakes in a cold sweat, bolting upright in her bunk. She hears footsteps approaching, and hastily lies back down, yanking her thin blanket over her head. The footsteps go away, and Rosa breathes a sigh of relief.

She knows it’s just a dream, but she can almost still feel the acute sting of the glass in her skin. Rosa makes herself close her eyes again, and tries to relax her mind.

She doesn’t get any sleep that night.

****

* * *

****

****

Rosa’s getting accustomed to prison. She’s busy with her work duty - janitorial, since there’s some heavy lifting involved sometimes, and Rosa is quite strong. Her nightmares have decreased significantly, even though she still has trouble sleeping.

The attacks have been slowing down too, though they are no less violent. But it’s been getting better.

“I actually won a fight the other night,” Rosa says, grinning to herself. Her first victory in... two months? She’s not sure. Time moves differently in hell.

“Good for you, girl!” Gina’s voice on the line is a little crackly, due to the crappy signal in prison, but Rosa can detect the pride in her voice.

“So how’s the baby?” Rosa realises she hasn’t asked about it yet, and Gina hasn’t brought it up.

“The baby’s doing great. If she’s a girl, she’s gonna be The Enigma, and if he’s a boy, The Enigmo. Milton and I decided we want to be surprised.” Gina’s voice is enthusiastic, and Rosa’s smile turns a little sad. She rests her head against the wall.

“That’s good,” Rosa says, not knowing what else to say.

“Thanks.” Silence, for a brief pause. Then, Gina’s voice again, only quieter. “I’m really happy, with Milton.”

“I’m happy for you, Gina,” Rosa says quietly. “Listen, I gotta go.”

“Okay. See ya soon, Rosie.”  
Rosa hangs up. She can feel a small part of her breaking, a part of her that she has worked so hard to suppress. After so long of denying its existence, it’s back, and it scares the living hell out of Rosa.

* * *

****

****

It all started a few years ago, on the day of Gina’s first and last ever sewer rave.

Rosa was talking to Jake about a possible suspect on a case they were working, when all of a sudden the precinct was filled with the awful sound of someone vomiting. When the noises had faded away, the place was filled with a thick, awkward silence.

Gina shuffled back to her desk, her face pale, her hair a tangled mess. Her sweater was rumpled, and she looked exhausted. Rosa mumbled some excuse to Jake, and crossed over to Gina’s desk, where she lay with her head on the table.

“You look terrible,” Rosa commented.

“Thanks, Rosa. I feel much better,” Gina said sardonically. She lifted her head off her desk to stare at Rosa through bleary eyes.

“It was the sewer rave, wasn’t it? I told you it was a bad idea.”

“Now is not the time to say ‘I told you so’, Rosa.”

“Okay. But, I told you so.”

Gina made a very rude gesture at her, but she was too tired to even hold her hand up properly. A twinge of sympathy nudged at Rosa’s heart.

“C’mere.” Rosa gestured for Gina to follow her.

“Mmh,” was Gina’s reply, laying down on her desk again.

“Get up, Gina.” She hauled Gina up by the arm.

“Where are you taking me?” Gina mumbled, too weak to fight back.

“Walk,” Rosa instructed, and Gina obediently walked alongside her. They took the elevator a few floors up, to an abandoned floor. Rosa moved a stack of crates aside to reveal a bathroom. She switched on the light.

The bathroom was moderately well lit. The paint was peeling and the floor was dirty, but the sink and toilet were functional and relatively clean, and that was all that mattered.

One day, the bathroom would be fixed up - the walls would be repainted, the floor retiled, the sink and toilet scrubbed by two manual labor-loathing women, scented candles and fancy soaps and weird crystals and the like added to the place, the harsh white light switched to a warm yellow bulb - and dubbed ‘Babylon’ by Gina. Rosa didn’t know that then. It was just her secret bathroom.

“You can throw up here,” Rosa says.

“No way! You have your own secret bathroom!” Gina said, in delight and amazement. “A  _ sucky _ secret bathroom.”

Rosa glared at her. “Do you want a private place to throw up, or do you want Hitchcock knocking on the door to ask you if you’re okay, no matter which bathroom you use?”

“Good point. Thanks, Rosa,” Gina said, smiling warmly.

“You’re welcome. Use it whenever you want. Just don’t tell anyone else about it.” Rosa smiled back.

“Are you kidding? I’d  _ never  _ tell anyone about a secret like this. Though it does need some fixing up...” Gina said thoughtfully.

Suddenly, her face turned a horrible shade of green. She pushed Rosa aside, hurtling towards the toilet, and heaved for a while before anything emerged. Rosa awkwardly knelt behind Gina, holding her hair back as she puked her guts up.

They made an almost comical scene; the tall, intimidating detective who hated human contact, kneeling beside the eccentric civilian administrator, holding her messy hair back as she vomited almost violently into a mildly grimy toilet.

And that was the day Rosa Diaz began falling in love with Gina Linetti.

She hadn’t known it at the time, of course. But years later, upon looking back, she’s pretty certain that this was the moment that started it all. It was the first time Rosa had actually bonded with Gina, and realised that she was actually not a complete idiot.

It had taken a long, long time, and by the time she figured out exactly how she felt, she was in far too deep.

Rosa has, for the most part, stopped loving Gina already. At least, that’s what she tells herself.

She’d gotten over those feelings when she was with Marcus, and then a while after that they had resurfaced again. And then came Adrian, who distracted her enough to finally box them up and shove them to the back of the closet in her mind.

This wasn’t the same kind of love Charles once felt for Rosa, or any sort of love Rosa had ever encountered. This was unfamiliar and confusing and strange and messy but beneath it all was a single, uncomplicated thing - Rosa Diaz was in love with Gina Linetti.

And she may or may not still be.

* * *

****

****

There isn’t really one exact factor that has reawakened these feelings. There’s the crushing hopelessness of being incarcerated. There’s also the fact that no one likes seeing their ex lover, or even their ex crush, with someone else. Of course, there is probably something else, something Rosa refuses to acknowledge.

She doesn’t even like Gina, really. It’s just some residue from her old feelings.

So, whatever this is, Rosa doesn’t care. She ignores it, and focuses on struggling along in prison.

She does her janitorial duty, and doesn’t think about the hours she spent with Gina cleaning Babylon. She takes the god-awful cold showers in the god-awful bathroom, and doesn’t think about the time Gina threw a bucket of cold water in Charles’s face the first time he tried to hug her (which was the first time anyone in the precinct had seen her laugh).

She puts up with the physical and verbal abuse, and doesn’t think of her and Gina teaming up to insult people. She suffers through the loneliness, and tries to think of Adrian (her  _ fiancé _ ), and doesn’t think of Gina (the girl she can’t be in love with).

* * *

“Hey, Rosa!” Adrian’s voice, bright and surprised. Rosa’s eyes close.

“Hey, Adrian.” It’s good to hear his voice. She still loves him, even though it’s been a while since they’ve actually spoken properly. She loves him, and he loves her. She has to remember that. “How are things?”

“They’re good! Well, everyone’s a mess. Charles cries a lot, Amy has like, these  _ huge  _ eye bags, and Terry and Holt are like,  _ super _ stressed. Oh, and Gina is  _ really  _ pregnant.”

_ I could’ve told you that _ , Rosa almost growls. Prison is making her more aggressive, it seems.

“So long as everyone’s okay.”

“Yeah.” And then it’s quiet.

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Rosa.”

_ Rosa, not Rosie _ , it suddenly occurs to her.

“Hey listen, I gotta go,” Rosa says suddenly. She doesn’t think she can tolerate another moment of their weird, awkward silences.

“Okay. I hope you’re doing okay,” Adrian replies.

“I’m doing fine.”  _ Something you’d fucking know if you weren’t so fucking paranoid. It’s a fucking women’s prison, what’s the worst that’d happen to you? It’s not like Jimmy fucking Figgis is going to jump up from the table beside us, ripping off a wig and shooting you in the fucking face. _

“I love you,” Adrian says.

“Love you too,” Rosa mumbles, hanging up the phone. The words taste wrong in her mouth.

* * *

“I don’t see it.”

“Look a little closer.”

“Is that the head?”

“Yeah.”

Gina returns the sonogram to her wallet, smiling proudly. Her cheeks are a little puffy, no doubt due to the baby weight, but she looks adorable. The only thing is, of course, the baby.

It’s not the baby, or babies in general, that Rosa has a problem with. It’s the father.

“Also, it’s officially been two months since you got locked up in this craphole,” Gina says cheerfully.

“Way to remind me, Gina,” Rosa answers, her tone acerbic.

“And look at you. You’re doing fine,” Gina continues.

“Yeah, I am.” As the days go by, no one really can be bothered with her anymore. Rosa keeps to herself, and does her best to stay out of trouble. She doesn’t fraternize with the other inmates, and doesn’t get involved in their business.

Mostly, she reads. A couple of her friends have sent her care packages. Charles sent some weird French candy that she keeps hidden in a spare shirt. Adrian apparently tried to mail her some letters and gun magazines, but those were confiscated by the correctional officers. Amy sent a whole package of books, which has proved to be the most useful item by far.

Rosa reads the crime books, but bench presses the other stuff. She likes to work out in her free time, to stay fit, and to make sure she can fight back in the event of any more attacks.

Gina mostly writes letters. Sometimes she sends her (surprisingly skilful) drawings. Occasionally she mails her Polaroids, mostly of her. Rosa keeps those under her pillow, together with the first letter she received.

To Rosa, prison is sort of like a long, long stretch of grey that seems to have no end to it; the same hopeless grey fucking day repeated every goddamn day.

But then there are weekends, and that is when Gina comes to visit, and in her horrible grey world, there is just the faintest hint of red. Not the blood red of her hatred for Lieutenant Hawkins, or the blazing crimson of what she felt for Adrian, but a softer cherry red, that reminds her that there is still life worth living.

“The point is, you’re doing great. I mean, damn, you look good, girl. Orange is really your colour,” Gina says.

“It is not.” Orange contrasts weirdly with her skin, and Gina knows it.

“Okay yeah I was lying. But the other stuff was true,” Gina says.

“Thanks.” Rosa rubs her forehead tiredly.

“Are you okay?” Gina asks.  
“I’m fine. What are you, my mom?” Rosa snaps.

A momentary look of pure hurt flashes across Gina’s face, making Rosa regret her words immediately.

“I’m sorry, Gina. That was uncalled for.” Rosa sighs. She’s exhausted, both physically and mentally, and she’s just ready for this nightmare to be over. But this isn’t a nightmare; it’s real life, and boy does it suck to be on the other end of the law.

“I get it, Rosie. Prison is the worst. I mean, you haven’t even told me to stop calling you Rosie.” Gina smiles wryly, coaxing a tiny smile from Rosa.

“I don’t mind it,” Rosa answers truthfully. It’s actually kind of grown on her.

Gina rests her hand on Rosa’s, and tingles shoot through her whole body. This isn’t supposed to happen. Not again.

She doesn’t say anything, conveying everything she wants to say with that tiny movement. Rosa can almost hear her voice.  _ Hang in there, Rosie. _

A guard orders them to stop touching, so Gina retracts her hand, rolling her eyes and smiling crookedly at Rosa, who smiles back slightly. It’s just little things like this; the gentle red in a sea of grey.

* * *

The only upside to prison is that it gives Rosa a lot of time to think. As she goes about her business, she lets her mind wander, something she’s never let her mind do before. It tends to take her to dark, scary places, like her career as a teenage gymnast.

Most of the time, Rosa ends up thinking of her friends. She misses her job so much, it feels like all this longing and misery has coalesced into a lead ball in her stomach, weighing her down.

She’s had a lot of time to sort out her feelings, which is something she’s always hated doing before. Rosa’s entire life feels like it’s been separated into two parts - Before and After - and she’s becoming a different person in this After part of her life.

But some things will never change, and the fact that Rosa is, and will always be, a hot mess, feelings-wise. Mostly, she’s angry. Angry at Lt Hawkins, angry at herself, angry at this stupid  _ fucking  _ prison.

She’s also been sorting out her feelings towards some of the most important people in her life.

She knows that she’s angry at Adrian, but she also misses him, and she’s so tired of this weird part of their relationship. But it does make her wonder. Without sex in their relationship, do she and Adrian still go together? Or were they just bonded by animal magnetism, and nothing more?

On Jake, Rosa just misses him. And she’s angry at herself and at him, for letting them get caught in this situation. She knows it’s not fair, but she has a lot of anger and nowhere to put it, and she’s just frustrated, really.

And on Gina? Well, that is just one chaotic, knotted ball of feelings that she simply cannot bring herself to untangle.

* * *

“Hey,” Rosa says.

“Hey, Rosa,” Adrian replies.

Rosa wants to love him. She wants the comfort of being in a relationship with him, of the blazing red that burned everything else away.  _ Comfort? Is that the right word? _

But (a large) part of her is so angry at him. She hasn’t seen him since she’s been locked up (which has been, what, two, three months? Time moves differently in hell). What is the worst that will fucking happen to him?

Amy goes to see Jake all the time, despite the fact that she’s a female cop in a fucking men’s prison. Her fiancé _ ,  _ the supposed Tough Guy, who’s been undercover in the mafia for 10 fucking years, who is perfectly fine being set on fire, and yet he can’t even bring himself to visit her in prison.

“I miss you,” Rosa says softly. She feels like she’s dipping her toe in the water, testing the temperature to see how she feels.  
“I miss you too. I haven’t seen you for so long,” he says. So far, Rosa is not enjoying the temperature.

“Yeah.” Rosa falls silent, waiting for Adrian to continue the conversation.

“So, something happened at the precinct the other day,” Adrian says, clearly hoping to build something from there. “Charles brought sushi to work the other day, and-“

“And one of the shrimps weren’t actually dead, and ran up Terry’s shirt,” Rosa finished. ” I know. Gina told me.”

“When did you see Gina?” Adrian says in surprise.

“She visits me like, every week,” Rosa says, a hint of viciousness in her tone.

“Oh.” Adrian pauses awkwardly. Yeah, Rosa is really fucking hating the temperature.

“How are you doing?” He asks.

“Fine.”  _ But if you actually fucking came to see me, you’d be able to tell I am really, really fucking miserable. Since you haven’t come, at all, and you said you couldn’t risk it, ever, you wouldn’t fucking know that, ever. _

“I miss you,” Adrian says again.

“I gotta go.” Rosa hangs up.

* * *

She receives a jarring surprise the next day. It’s Visitation day, so Rosa has taken an effort to scoop her black curls into a decent ponytail, and to rest up the night before, so she doesn’t look so tired. Sometimes Gina pokes fun at her, and Rosa knows she’s just trying to cheer her up, but it  _ has  _ made her bother to maintain her appearance, which is a sort of bonus. And yet, the person waving to her isn’t Gina.

“Adrian?” Rosa says in surprise.

“Rosa.” Adrian gets up, and next thing she knows, they’re locked in a tight embrace, their lips clashed together fiercely. Rosa closes her eyes, trying to lose herself in him, but her mind refuses to allow it.

One of the correctional officers snaps at them to break it up, so they do (Adrian reluctantly, Rosa with some measure of relief).

“What are you doing here?” She asks. She’s been so angry at him for the past few weeks for not showing up that actually seeing him is jarring.

“I missed you. And I thought I’d surprise you.” Adrian is smiling, but his eyes are darting around nervously. The inmate at the table beside theirs is engaged in a very serious talk with her boyfriend, and not paying any attention to Rosa and Adrian at all. And yet, he keeps staring at her with a sort of fear in his eyes.

More and more inmates begin to file in for Visitation, and Adrian looks more and more uncomfortable as more of them flood in. Rosa wants to scream at him.

“That’s cool,” Rosa says, in an attempt to grab his attention. It works. Sort of. He’s watching her now, but he still looks afraid. “How’s Gina doing?”

“Oh, Gina’s been on leave for a while now,” he says.

“Wait, what?” Gina didn’t tell her about that.

“Yeah. She left like, almost 2 weeks ago,” Adrian tells her.

“Oh.” _How old was that sushi story, then? _ she wonders.

Adrian continues to look around shiftily, while Rosa processes that information. She’s almost a little hurt that Gina has told her all about the old Keeping Up With the Kardashians episodes she’s watched in order to inspire her unborn child, and yet she failed to mention that she hasn’t been at the precinct in almost 2 weeks.

“Do you want to go or something? You seem uncomfortable.” Rosa puts on a fake concerned face, because if she’s mean she’ll have to apologise, and she is far too tired to bother.

“No, I’m fine.” Adrian tries to smile, and Rosa suddenly feels bad. She’s been so resentful of him for months, but it’s not his fault he’s traumatized. But then again, he was perfectly fine being stabbed by Jake, but he can’t be in a fucking  _ women’s prison. _

“I’m kinda tired,” Rosa says. “We should cut this short.”

“Okay.” He practically jumps to his feet. They hug, and he kisses her (for longer than she would’ve liked), and then he’s gone.

Rosa watches him go from the window. Somehow, she feels something change. Not with their relationship, which has been shot to hell the instant she was locked up, but something  _ inside _ her, the part that’s still clinging on to Before.

Something is changing.

* * *

Gina’s been silent for so long that Rosa’s starting to wonder if she fell asleep or something.

“Hello? Gina? Are you still there?”

“And  _ that’s _ what that feels like.” Gina sounds faintly triumphant, with a hint or mild exasperation.

“What are you  _ talking  _ about?”

“You ghosted me, Rosa!”

“I did not!” Rosa says indignantly, even though that is a straight-up lie, and she knows it.

She hadn’t actually intended to ghost Gina. After the disastrous visit with Adrian, Rosa had taken some time off to think. She wanted know why she was so hurt that Gina didn’t tell her she’d been on leave for a while now.

And maybe she was upset because Gina’s one of her best friends and she should’ve said something, but it could also be because her being on maternity leave suddenly makes it so... _real._ Gina really is having a child with someone else, and Rosa won’t admit it to herself, but it really fucking sucks.

So she took one day off to collect her thoughts, and decided to call Gina the next day. And then one day turned into three, and three into five, and an entire week flew by without Rosa hearing the sound of Gina’s voice.

“Then where the hell were you for the past week?” Gina says accusingly.

“I was in prison,” Rosa says dryly.

“Don’t sass me, Rosie. What’s the issue?” Gina continues.

“There’s no issue. Everything’s fine.” This conversation reminds her of the time she told Terry she wasn’t mad that Charles hadn’t invited her to his wedding with Vivien, and her heart squeezes.

“Come on, Rosa.” Gina sounds a little grouchy now.

“There’s nothing, Gina,” Rosa says firmly. Maybe she’ll believe it too. “So how’s not-working?”

“Pimento told you?” Gina isn’t surprised. “I didn’t mention it because why bother, y’know? I still know what’s going on in the precinct, and it’s not like I talk about them a _lot_.”

“Gina, the other day Scully dropped a slice of pizza and spent 30 minutes picking it up, and you spent the same amount of time telling me about it,” Rosa says in exasperation.

“Because that image was burned into my mind forever, and I hope to scar other people with it too,” Gina says cheerfully, and Rosa smiles.

“It’s good to hear your voice,” Rosa says quietly. After-Rosa is more open with her feelings than Before-Rosa.

“Whatcha say?” Gina asks.

“Nothing.” Rosa clears her throat awkwardly. _I miss you._

“Chin up, Rosie. You sound sad and depressed, and who can blame you? You’ve been living in a Gina-less world for a week,” Gina says.  
“Okay, I’m hanging up now.” Rosa rolls her eyes.

“You can hang up on me, but you can’t hang up on the truth,” Gina says.

Rosa hangs up and laughs; her first laugh in an entire week.

* * *

Rosa doesn’t see Gina again the following week. Charles comes instead, to her mild disappointment.

“Ro-Ro!” Charles greets her, hugging her tight.

“We agreed you’d never call me that again,” Rosa says, hugging him back.

“No, you did. I never said anything,” Charles says, and Rosa can feel him crying against her.

“Yep, okay.” She extricates herself from his grasp. “Why aren’t you visiting Jake?”

“Amy’s been hogging him all to herself,” Charles says grumpily, wiping his tears away. “And Gina’s been hogging you, so since she’s in the hospital I thought I’d stop by.”

“Gina’s in the hospital?” Fear surges through Rosa’s heart; has Gina been hit by another bus? Swerved her car into a truck? Tripped and fallen and hit her head against the corner of a table? Heart attack? Accidentally drank cement?  
“Yeah. She had her baby a few weeks early. The Enigma has joined the world,” Charles says, effectively stopping the barrage of horrifying mental pictures in Rosa’s head.

“Oh.” In her head, a new set of images plays out. Gina happily bringing her daughter to the precinct. Rosa watching her grow up through photographs, and turn into a spitting image of her mother. Rosa refusing to meet her, preferring for The Enigma to know her from the stories Gina tells.

Gina eventually marrying Milton and having several more children. Rosa, forced to smile and be happy for her, drifting further and further away every day. Rosa, losing Gina forever, because she was too scared to admit how she felt.

“You okay, Rosa?” Charles asks, his eyes wide with concern.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Rosa closes her eyes. “Hey Charles, how did you and Genevieve meet again?”

“Oh, that’s a great story.” Charles leans forward eagerly. “So Jake and I were at court for something, and I was eating takoyaki, which is a sort of Japanese donut thing.”

“Cut to the chase, Boyle.”

“Right. And we talked about takoyaki for a bit, and she told me she has tons of dogs. Then she had to go, and Jake threw one at her to get her attention. God, he’s perfect.” He sighs softly.

“ _ Charles _ .”

“Right, right, I’m sorry. And then we talked, and I told her I really liked her, and then I found out she was under arrest. So Jake and I \- well, mostly Jake \- solved the crime and proved her innocent, and we’ve been together since!” Charles finishes.

“And you weren’t afraid? That she didn’t like you as much as you liked her? That she was actually a criminal?” Rosa asks.

“Oh no, I was _terrified_.  But I still went for it anyway,” Charles replies. Well, who would’ve thought. Charles Boyle, braver than Rosa Diaz.

“Huh. Thanks, Boyle,” Rosa says thoughtfully. Maybe it’s time to figure out what exactly she wants.

“No problem. I can tell that you’re having an epiphany of some sort, so I’ll just wait here till you’re done.” He starts humming.

“That is not helping.”

“Sorry.”

* * *

“Are you going to make the fucking call or not?” The woman behind Rosa snaps.

“No,” Rosa snaps, making her decision. She and the woman silently glare at each other for a moment, and Rosa stalks off.

That meeting with Charles made her think. He didn’t give up on Genevieve, and look where they are. No fear, right?

Rosa turns back and lines up again, for the fifth time. A few of the women sigh.

“Get your fucking shit together,” someone mutters. Rosa bites back a harsh  _ fuck off _ . Eventually, the line clears (far too quickly; when she wants to call Gina, the wait takes a hundred years, and yet for this it feels like only five seconds), and Rosa is at the phone, her fingers flying across the keypad.

The silence of the dial tone is deafening. She almost hopes no one picks up.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Adrian.” Rosa exhales slowly.

“What’s going on, Rosa?” Adrian asks. He sounds so cheerful. This is really going to suck.

“Pimento,” she tries again.

“Uh... yes?”

“You and I are done-zo,” Rosa says flatly.

“What?” Adrian repeats.

“You and I are done. Over. Finished. Goodbye.” Rosa goes to hang up, and stops.

“I’m sorry,” she says quietly, and  _ then _ she hangs up.

“That was brutal,” the woman behind her informs her. Rosa ignores her and strides away.

She doesn’t want to do this. But she has to. It’s not fair to Adrian, or her, for this to carry on. Rosa wants - no,  _ needs _ \- to find someone who will always be with her, who will always be there for her, who she will always love. Someone who will finally help her get over Gina.

And Adrian just isn’t the one.

* * *

Rosa turns on the tap, letting the cold water chill her hands. She stares into the mirror, at her tired face looking back at her.

Her cheekbones are more pronounced, and dark circles shadow her tired eyes. Her brown skin has a sickly, pale-ish hue to it. Her black curls are long and unkempt, and tied up in a loose, messy ponytail. Overall, she looks fucking terrible.

Rosa splashes water on her face, trying to make herself look a little fresher. She reaches into her pocket, pulling out her makeup. Makeup is technically contraband, but almost everyone in prison owns some of it.

So Rosa had cajoled her bunk mate (who hates her) into lending her some eye makeup. She drew the line at lending Rosa a blush palette.

She does her makeup carefully, drawing her eyeliner subtly, using eyeshadow to cover up her eye bags. At the end of it, she still looks exhausted, but at least she looks a little more like her old self.

The idea is this - she is going to tell Gina how she felt - how she  _ feels _ . She is going to look her best, so Gina doesn’t feel so bad about turning her down. They will do the whole awkward, uncomfortable  _ you-and-I-are-just-friends _ bit, and it is going to really fucking suck.

And from there? Rosa has no idea. Maybe they’ll still be friends, like her and Charles. Maybe they’ll slowly stop talking less and less, and eventually just become awkward acquaintances, who just don’t talk anymore.

Gina is one of the most important people in her life. The possibility of losing her is going to hurt, so fucking much, but it’s time Rosa does something about the things she wants. That’s the thing about prison; it makes you glaringly aware of how much you want, and how much you can’t have.

And God, Rosa loves her so much, but she knows she has to make herself let go. Gina has Milton now, and Rosa cannot afford to hope that some day Gina will change her mind. It’s hopeless.

She leaves the bathroom, and places the makeup in her bunkie’s pillowcase, where she hides most of her contraband. It occurs to Rosa that she’s the only one in the whole prison who doesn’t own any contraband. Even in prison, she’s still a cop at heart. But until when does she stop being Detective Diaz, and instead become another nameless, faceless inmate in this hellhole?

Rosa shakes her head. Now is not the time for the crushing fear of the future. Now is the time for the crushing pain of rejection.

She makes her way to the visitation room, goes through the customary pat-downs and whatnot. This time, she isn’t surprised by any unexpected visitors. She’d called Gina to make sure she was coming, so she’s prepared.

“Hey, Gina.” Rosa hugs her, and closes her eyes. Gina smells of lavender and sunshine, and Rosa wants to remember it fondly, one last time.

“Good to see ya, Rosie,” Gina says, patting her back gently.

They sit down, and Rosa takes a good look at her. After giving birth, Gina has lost a considerable amount of weight, and her cheeks have a soft, healthy glow. She’s cut her hair a little, and she looks exhausted, but overall she seems very happy.

“Haven’t seen you in a while,” Gina says. “Lookin’ good, Diaz.”

“Yeah. Thanks. You had your baby early, I heard,” Rosa answers.

“Yep. Charles told you, huh?” Gina is, as usual, unfazed. “But what he doesn’t know is that I took off from work early to get an extra week off so I could stay home and binge the Bachelor eps I missed, but I ended up having the baby early instead. Karma is a  _ bitch _ .”

Rosa snickers. “So? How is she?”

Gina fishes out her phone from her pocket. She taps on it quickly, and slides it across the table to Rosa. “Meet The Enigma Linetti. There’s no way in hell we’re giving her the Boyle name.”

The Enigma is a chubby, pale baby with tiny fists and tufts of wispy brown hair on her head. She has Milton’s nose (Rosa assumes, given that her nose doesn’t resemble Gina’s at all), and her face is round and pudgy. But her eyes, which are the exact same blue as Gina’s, are big and innocent, and sparkling with the light of being alive.

“She’s lovely,” Rosa says softly, getting a little choked up.

“She is. Just like her mom.” Gina grins, and shoves her phone back into her pocket.

“So tell me about it. What was it like giving birth?” Rosa asks curiously.

Gina launches into a long-winded explanation on how giving birth is about twice as painful as getting hit by a bus, and how all that stuff about childbirth makes you a whole new person is all garbage. She is still Gina Linetti, only with more sparkle and pizzazz.

Rosa listens to her ramble for the better part of an hour. A few times, she has to stop a tiny smile from twisting her lips. Gina is very...  _ bright _ when she’s talking, and Rosa loves that about her.

Gina eventually stops talking, which is a small miracle. “You seem awful quiet. What’s up?”

Here it is. The perfect opportunity that she’s been hoping wouldn’t come up. Rosa prepares herself.

“I have to tell you something,” Rosa says.

“What’s up?” Gina asks.

“I... Before this, I used to have... feelings, for you,” Rosa mumbles.

“I’m sorry, what?” Gina says.

“I was in love with you, a long time ago. And I still am. Now. And I just... I needed to tell you,” Rosa says softly. And it’s like a huge weight has lifted off her chest. Her heaviest secret is gone, and Rosa is still... sad. But one day this will be over, and she will finally move on.

“Oh,” Gina says. Her mouth is hanging open slightly, and she seems to be having some difficulty processing this information.

“Anyway, I know that you’re with Milton now. But I just wanted you to know.” Rosa feels her heart twist painfully, but she tells herself that this is for the best.

The look on Gina’s face is frustrating. Her eyes are a little wide, and her mouth is still hanging open. She looks confused and sad and upset and a whole bunch of other stuff Rosa can’t decipher.

Gina still hasn’t said anything. Rosa wants to scream. Normally, it’s impossible to shut her up.  _ Say something. Anything. Give me some dumb joke about how irresistible you are. Tell me you’ve never loved me. Crush my fucking heart. Please. _

“I have a kid, Rosa,” Gina says at last, her voice small, and that tells Rosa enough.

Conveniently, the guards swarm in, signifying the end of visitation hour. Rosa rises to her feet.

“See ya, Gina,” she says to Gina.

And Rosa walks away.

* * *

A week or so goes by. Rosa doesn’t call Gina, and doesn’t ask for updates on her. Mostly, she talks to Charles, occasionally Amy. She doesn’t ask about Adrian either, but everyone has heard about their breakup. Charles doesn’t push her, which she appreciates.

Telling Gina how she feels hasn’t helped much. Rosa still loves her, and it still really sucks, but the small, stupid part of her that still held on to the hopes that someday Gina will love her too is slowly fading away.

Gina’s soft “I have a kid, Rosa,” is enough for her. It is awful, and it is crushing, but it’s true, and it’s over. Gina is with Milton, and Rosa is all alone.

Rosa spends a lot of her free time doing pushups in her bunk, and that is where one of the correctional officers arrives to give her the best news of her life. Thinking back on it, she doesn’t remember exactly what the guard said, but she does remember the general gist -  _ there’s been a mistake. Evidence showing that you and Detective Peralta are innocent was just received. Lt Hawkins and her people are being rounded up as we speak. You’re free to go. We’re so sorry, Detective Diaz. _

He helps her pack her things. She cooperates obediently, saying nothing to him. He brings her books and stuff in his arms, not commenting on how she leaves her candy on her bunkie’s pillow. A small thank-you, for lending her the makeup.

He leads her to the room where she’d changed from her leather jacket and black pants into her orange uniform. He waits with his back changed while Rosa swaps her uncomfortable prison uniform for her old black clothing. She puts her dark red leather jacket on, and closes her eyes.

The material is tough and familiar, and her black clothes feel like home. Her badge is on the desk where her clothes were neatly folded, and it suddenly hits her. She’s really going home.

“What happened?” Rosa asks hoarsely, pulling on her boots.

“Apparently some guy named Doug Judy teamed up with your tech guy, and they managed to pull evidence of Lt Hawkins setting you and Detective Peralta up,” he explains.

Rosa tilts her head forward, a tiny smile on her lips.  _ Judy. And Savant. I’ll have to remember to thank them when I get back. And I’ll be getting back. I can go home. I can go home. I can go home. _

“Okay.” She follows him outside, her possessions in her arms. Rosa climbs into the minivan that took her to the prison. The entire ride back, she is silent, while the other guards blather on and on about how it was a mistake, and they’re sorry, but Rosa really doesn’t care anymore.  
“Where do you want us to drop you?” The driver asks.

“The precinct,” Rosa says. The driver looks at her in surprise.

“Don’t you want to go home?” She asks.

“Just take me there.”

Half an hour later, they pull up outside the building, and Rosa exits without saying anything to them. Her arms are full of letters and books, and she suddenly feels so out of place, at one of her favourite places in the world.

Rosa keeps her head down as she checks in, and the sleepy receptionist barely even notices her. She takes the elevator by herself, her heart pounding in her ears.

When she reaches her floor, she steps out, and at first no one notices her. Terry and Charles are sorting some files out. Amy is nowhere to be seen. Hitchcock and Scully are asleep. Gina is on her phone. Captain Holt is the first one to notice her.

“Detective Diaz,” he says in mild surprise. That gets everyone’s attention. Charles and Terry drop their files, Hitchcock and Scully jerk awake, and even Gina looks up from her phone.

Captain Holt makes his way to her, his hand extended. “Good to see you, Detective D-“

Rosa ignores his outstretched hand, and promptly drops her things, pulling him into a hug.

“Please, there’s no need to make a scene,” he says stoically, though he almost sounds a little choked up. She lets go after a moment, knowing how much he doesn’t enjoy physical contact.

“Hey, Rosa,” Adrian says awkwardly.

“Hey.” Rosa sweeps him into a quick hug. Despite everything that went down between them, she really is happy to see him.

“Rosa!” Terry says, and hugs her so tightly she lifts off the ground, and she briefly wonders if he’s trying to break all the bones in her body. She pats him on the back awkwardly, till he releases her.

The instant her feet touch the ground, Charles hurtles towards her and throws his arms around her, almost knocking the wind out of her. His arms are like a vise around her, and it’s hard to decipher what he’s saying amidst all the crying.

“I miss you too, Charles,” Rosa says, closing her eyes and letting herself feel the warmth of genuine affection. Five entire minutes pass, and no one yells at her to break it up, and goodness, Rosa never knew how much she loved hugs till that moment.

Miraculously, someone yanks Charles off her. Someone whose arms are crossed across her chest and glaring at Rosa. Rosa doesn’t know what to say to her. She feels a sort of invisible wall rise up between them; a remnant of their last conversation. What do you say to the person who you’ve been in love with for years, even though they will never feel the same way?

“What the hell, Rosa?” Gina says. “I come in to work today because I hear you’re coming back, and you decide to hug all these people, but I can’t even get a  _ hello _ ?”

She looks so genuinely offended that Rosa can’t help but laugh, and before she knows it Gina has her arms around her, and she smells exactly like Rosa remembers. Rosa tentatively wraps her arms around her, and slowly, she can feel the wall between them shattering, and she knows that no matter what happens between them, she and Gina will always be friends.

Gina finally loosens her grip, and Rosa reluctantly releases her.

“See, I told you it wasn’t hopeless,” Gina says, almost reprimandingly. Rosa remembers the promise she made all those months ago.

“Yeah. Guess it wasn’t,” she says quietly.  _ Well, that’s one thing that isn’t hopeless, anyway. _

“Good to see you, Diaz,” Hitchcock calls, Scully nodding beside him.

“Good to see you too, you beautiful bastards.” Rosa smiles, and Hitchcock and Scully beam back at her. She has a feeling this is the first and last time she will ever smile at Hitchcock and Scully.

“Where’s Amy?” Rosa asks.

“Jake called ahead to say he’d be going straight back to her apartment, so that’s where they are now,” Charles explains, clearly very salty.

“Oh.” Rosa is a little disappointed; she misses Jake, and wishes she could’ve seen him. Well, no matter. She can visit him later on. She can do  _ anything.  _ She’s  _ free _ .

“Listen. Can we talk?” Gina says, snapping her out of her reverie.

_ Oh no _ . “Sure.”

“The break room’s empty. We’ll just pick up your stuff,” Terry says, and Rosa smiles at him gratefully.

She follows Gina to the break room. Gina shuts the door, and Rosa inhales the smell of dried blood and mouldy food, regretting it almost instantly.

“Okay, you remember the last conversation we had?” Gina says.

“Yeah. Kinda hard to forget.” Rosa says dryly, sitting down on the table with her legs crossed.

“I never told you this, but...” Gina sighs dramatically. “ _ Ughhh. _ I  _ hate _ talking about feelings.” She shudders.

“Look, I used to be in love with you too,” she says, and Rosa almost falls off the table.

“What?” Rosa asks.

“You heard me.” Gina turns away from her, hiding her expression.

Rosa doesn’t know what to say. For one thing, their timing fucking  _ sucks _ . If only either one of them had had the guts to say this a year ago. But why  _ now _ , when Rosa has just started to make herself move on, and when Gina has a kid with someone else?

Part of her is happy that Gina has ever felt the same way, but she’s mostly just sad and frustrated, because they could’ve had  _ everything _ .

And it’s too late for them.

“Right,” Rosa says awkwardly, to fill the silence. She can almost feel her heart burning.

“And the thing is, I thought I didn’t have feelings for you anymore. And then you went and got yourself locked up, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how you were doing, so I had to go see you.” Gina starts pacing.

And then I just... remembered. Remembered how I used to feel, and why I loved you in the first place. And after a while, I... Well, you get it.” She stops and looks at Rosa, and her blue eyes are soft and bright, and Rosa  _ understands _ .

Gina still loves her.

“But what about Milton? And The Enigma?” Rosa asks, unsure of what exactly to say.

“After our talk the other day, I went home, and I talked to Milton, and we’ve decided he’s still going to be involved in raising The Enigma, but we won’t be together. I really like Milton, he’s a great guy, and he makes me happy, but we’re just not... I just don’t love him.” The unspoken  _ not the way I love you _ hangs in the heavy silence.

“So wait, this means-“

Gina sighs exaggeratedly. “Am I the detective here or you? I love you. Don’t make me say it again.” She gives Rosa an exasperated look, but she can see the uncertainty in her eyes.

“I got that part. So... what happens now?” Rosa asks.

“I don’t know,” Gina answers.

And Rosa decides,  _ fuck this. _ She’s waited long enough.

She slides off the table, takes Gina’s face in her hands, and kisses her with all the love she can muster. Gina kisses her back softly, her hands on her waist, her lips soft against Rosa’s.

The kiss is wonderful and gentle and magical, and it is everything Rosa has never allowed herself to want. Fireworks ignite in her heart, filling her soul and burning away every doubt and every fear she has. Rosa is  _ hopelessly _ , irretrievably in love with Gina, and she always will be.

“Why didn’t you say something earlier, anyway?” Gina asks, pulling back slightly and breathing heavily.

“I didn’t think things would work out,” Rosa mumbles.

“You should hope more, Rosie.” Gina stares at her intently. Her eyes are blue fire.

“Yeah.” Rosa remembers the promise Gina made to her while she was locked up, that things weren’t hopeless. And she’s right.

“Yeah. You’re right.” Rosa smiles and kisses her again.


End file.
